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because.
Monday, November 30, 2009 @ 20:15
I swear, by hook or by crook, I'm going to make it to Chelt. + LSE. (The west end looks BRILLIANT + England & UK!). Ugh (!!!) And omg I love NYC !!!
This is what X Factor/BGT + "Empire State of Mind"/Gossip Girl does to you.
These photos I've been (and want to) taking really reminds me how much I miss everyone, after such long periods of no contact even though we see each other week after week, only in this time where there's less focus on school + all that @#$%, can I really remember how important you are to me.
And it's not fair, Lady Gaga is performing on X Factor (Bad Romance !!!) next week but I don't know if I can catch it in NZ. (Sigh, I'm watching it for her instead of the contestants)
Apparently, when I'm free - I either write or I look for good covers. (: (BBC Radio 1 Live Lounge)
1. Pack
2. Food Caterers for Christmas Chill
3. Games for P5 Orientation !!!
Whenever I get too sick of the tension/competition of X Factor, BGT never fails.
I am just so totally freaking out right now. 52357935 things to do and I've no clue how or in what order to do it etc.
Need to go cycling/running/white water rafting in New Zealand, heard there are pretty interesting paths to run/cycle along.
Just ask a few questions, and it makes it seem like we're all done here. I like writing, I write for fun. I write all sorts of things (just ask jiahui!).
Because I'm not here for most of December
1. Happy Birthday Jiahui !!! (2nd) - Thanks for being so awesome, so ... interesting, and we talk greek together !!!
3. !!! PACK YOUR STUFF, ARE YOUR CLOTHES EVEN DONE !!! >:(
Anyway - from purple sheep to eating hokey pokey ice cream + snatching as many brochures as I can, this is what's lined up for me for 26 days in NZ. (Technically 25 !!!)
Still to pack list:
1. Homework (shit I have no life ttm)
2. Books?
3. CAMERA !!!
4. Notebook yadayada doodle stuff
5. Jacket I s'ppose.
Been wikitravelling the places I'll be going, seems rather promising, but I guess we'll only know when we get there. It's so tiring, I'm not even there & I'm tired. (And, I'm already missing everyone. Haha this is ridiculous.)
Oh well - should be good, look forward to whatever I can buy there. Haha !!! And yes - sign at least one Copenhagen petition against climate change - unless you want "Kyoto" to repeat itself.
I miss you, y'know. I don't really want to make myself vulnerable all over again, (especially after it took me ages to pick myself up) but it seems like this time, (again,) I have no choice.
But I guess, after a while you just give up.
Lisa Mitchell
Zee Avi
Brooke Fraser (I'm in love with her la srsly = awesome songs)
Okay this post is too incoherent for anyone without decent numbering, even though the effect is gone but whatever
1. When I grow up, I'm going to have the nicest house ever, and live in the Attic.
2. But really, at the end of the day you realise that everyone is just simply - human.
3. AND YOU KNOW WHAT: I really like Australia (and Australians).
4. Actually - I feel sorry when my parents are super duper nice to me and say things just to make me happy but all I can give them in return is some monotone reply.
5. I think I should go invest in a few ZIGs to colour my life (fine, my notebooks) - same difference.
In all honesty, I'd actually be happier than not if I make it to CLC. 2 years + 4 there looks ... promising above all other things, but the prospect of many other things make it appeal as well. (Idk, there's some sort of indie-ness, yet warmness there) And on the topic of the overseas bug - I also want to go to New York + San Fransisco among other places, when about 20-ish. If anyone else is interested !!!
Yea, NZ in 4 !!! Quite quite eggcites. Drop me if you want a sheep or something. And I guess when reality pulls you back down to earth - the only thing next year is 6 points. O's. 2010. Prom ?
Anyway, I feel my room's a lot cleaner, fine maybe a little, but I don't get how much cleaner it can get anyway. Had the sweetest dream yesterday, first dream that made me feel sad from waking up from it :(
I have $$ to spend in NZ but only if my room is neat up to par (yes, how substandard is this !!!). Kinda excited, need to free up camera memory space though !!! 2010 is popping in my head everyday now, so afraid yet excited in some way, as saddening as it seems, yet there's this promise.
So packing this weekend + planning homework & which to bring, hopefully I can finish math in Singapore. And !!! When is my commonwealth essay question being released, I don't want to have to rush it when I come back !!! >:(
I think a lot of people don't realise how lucky they are, I think I'm one of them.
(Oh, and by the way - I gave up on installing the maple thing because it kept crashing my com, so not on my watch - not yet la.)
Got v. little done this week actually, because I've been radiating too much heat (ie feverish, but without a temp), and found it hard to breathe (blocked/runny nose). Still need to finish packing up my room - looks much neater now anyway, and plan my homework (while the rest of the world has probably completed 2/3 or something).
But what I did get done today:
1. Install Maple (or in the process - to kelly, andrea, laura, ben, marcus, june).
2. Free 12GB from my C: Drive (By transferring all my music to my D: Drive)
3. Retrieve my asiasoft things.
What I need to get done tomorrow:
1. PLAN HOMEWORK (Like seriously)
2. Do Birthday Card for Aunty !!! :) (xx)
3. Pack up room
4. Start to pack for New Zealand
5. RECOVER LIKE NOW.
To Jiahui - who's undergoing some emotional "reflection" (see, there's both) - ily, even though you think so cheemly and start questioning. You're amazing. AND - BELIEVE IN LOVE CUZ IT WILL CARRY YOU THROUGH.
To Qingyi who never reads this - ily too, and I trust whatever decisions you make, and how you cope with your stuff.
(Never got down to doing real Christmas cards, kinda gave up on that. Next year = PICTURE YEAR. So if you see me jumping up and asking you to "take peekture with me" - exact lines, don't be shocked. HAHA)
Really loving all sorts of piano pieces now.
OH AND BY THE WAY - X FACTOR: I'm really rooting for Stacey (Team Dannii/Minogue!)
It's been a tough year, one heck of a ride. Hated more of the year then what I could say I'd love. It got much better towards the end, but that doesn't really change anything. But I can't say more, how thankful I am, how thankful that I've met some great people - great people who look like they're gonna stay here, for a pretty long time. Sad to say I probably lost some, but yet not totally. There were many things that nearly killed me, made me drown, but I made it up alive.
2010 will be a whirlwind, but I hope it'll be smooth, and less frightening - we should really start to learn to do what we love, not some funny things that society expects of us but then again somethings (more than not) are not within our control.
Changed my blogskin because my old one looked a little too familiar, and this one's more colourful and happierish. :) Needa start packing, doing some homework, and deciding what to bring to New Zealand because I will have 7 hour train rides anyway. In the mid of packing my room - NZ spending $$ at stake here, but I also want to redecorate it, so to speak. So we'll see.
Therefore, I need ideas on how to spend the too much time I may have in New Zealand. :) And what should I take photos of?
Not everyone gets a chance like that. Hold it, hold it tight.
I'm not giving up on love, and you can't make me. (As sweet as you are, it comes across differently). There are tons of people I appreciate and I think myself as the most foolish person in the world for failing to see the amount of people who've shown their care & concern in one way or another, thinking all out of sorts.
But all these people around me, they're AMAZING.
And sometimes, you just get it right. "At the end of the day, we're still so desperate to live"
If I'm not wrong, this is my 700th post. Since the mid of secone, it's so cute haha!
It's the only movie that has changed the way I think, put back the hope I once (and now again) have in humanity, and made me not give up on love. It's the only movie I can say that I would have regretted not watching. And so I'm really thankful I was "forced" to go. (And honestly, it's not even about the end of the world).
Over yesterday & today, I'm starting to feel thankful that I'm alive, that I haven't been in any perilous situations. I watched a documentary of the Mumbai bombing last year - it was with the survivors. And omg, I swear - I was touched to the point of unbelief. The wife was actually willing to die for her husband instead, - I mean, since when do these things happen in real life. But it really did. They could feel sorry for the people that held them at gunpoint.
My God is amazing.
(I think you think too much of yourself. I am sorry about what I said, but I don't take anything back, because in all honestly, that's how I feel.)
I'm really really tired right now, been on 3.5-ish hours of sleep, been out the whole day and really wanna crash into bed right now. Yet I'm really thankful for these past 3 days which have been in essence - amazing. Would never, can never, and it's just not possible (strictly speaking) - to ask for anything more.
I really really thank you guys for hearing me out, even though I know it was really difficult, it was difficult for me too, and I'm actually surprised I was able to say such things. But I doubt I'll ever be able to again really, at least for now I won't need to (hopefully). In the future, well, we'll have to see. I thank you for not saying anything, even though I was (and am) so selfish, because despite being so loved, I still ask(ed) for more. But I thank you guys all so much because I know that you all are always there.
Still surprised you could break my shell.
Again, I wish you could read me, because I'm way more than what meets the eye.
Well, at least it's a start. (KTV END DECEMBER !!!!!! :D :D :D)
Honestly, I don't know what you want from me. You're driving me insane and I may end up killing MYSELF because of that. I may be patient, but my patience is not infinite - so please, and I'm begging you - get a grip on yourself.
I think Lady Gaga is the most talented person on this planet.
This thought, this thing "If you were to die tomorrow ... (would you regret anything you've done in your life)". Which is why I don't want to do anything I'll regret, and I don't want to live through life regretting not doing anything.
I'd thought I'd need the holidays to sort things out. Take a break from the hectic-ness of this year. But I have to say, it's been 2 extremes. This year was too busy for comfort, yet the holidays are protruding me into this deep dark hole of I-don't-know-what-to-call-it. Missing everybody @ school and this is only the say whatttt, 5,6th day of holiday? Rawr, rawr. And then (at least) there's cg retreat. But when that's over I tell you I may just die.
I think I'm too fickle minded for my own good. I really really don't know what to do.
You who calmed the raging seas, that came crashing over me.
Did CIP today, my eating pattern is distorted. I feel hungry like all the time, but when the food's on the table, I can only eat a little bit before I want to vomit it out.
I think it's about time we grew up, we grew out of that small little bubble, it was about to burst anyway. It's a cruel world out there, and I don't know what to make out of it. Let's just hope I'll get to a good place, with a good life. I'll do my Os, do my As, then I'll see what to do, I really really need to do something I'll love. If you want it, I guess you have to go out and get it cuz there's a v. small chance of it coming to you.
Time starts to get irritating. I don't like how time can pass so quickly, yet there's nothing to do about it. You can't grasp it, you can't hold on to it with your last breath like how you cling onto a rope. You can't control it. It's the one factor, that you have no control over, it's the one factor that determines everything. A second wasted is a second gone. The problem is that this - "time" has really been creeping on me, making me think. What am I doing with my life.
You had a good time, but now it's over. It forces you to face reality, yet you hide away. It forces you to see the truth, but whether you accept it is a totally different thing.
I've mastered the art of self deception, and just deception.
I saw it, you looked so happy - there was genuine happiness on your face, and it was really obvious.
In 2009, there was this period of time I wasn't afraid of being alone, but I think I've lost it now. It's rather sad. Because once I fear being alone, I'm not going to be as happy. I'm trying to be productive, but I'm only semi productive. And I still need to lose 6kg, then another 3. I'm going to end up like some dying person. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm so sian at home.
You're so funny, it's just really funny to laugh at you cuz you think you're so great.
Last Request - Paolo Nutini : My favouritest song ever.
Are you willing to die for even those who hate you? Well, someone did.
CIP tomorrow, B@S lunch on thursday, RETREAT ON FRIDAY - SUNDAY !!!! WHOO! :) But rawr, tuition later !!! Haven't completed homework and I'm still drafting a letter for CIP. Boohoo. Oh, and I'm finally catching up with X Factor. :)
That's one of the most prominent things I've learnt this year. Even though I didn't know that everyone else was feeling this way, they were. But I'm really thankful I kinda grew out of it. (though not completely, but I'm still learning)
The power of love
Don't drag me into this. I don't deserve that. Jesus, I believe in you. (And I would give the world to tell Your story, for I know that you've called me)
4th Day of holiday and I'm already feeling so sian. I really needa get out of the house soon. >:(
"Does it make it easier on you now, that you've got someone to blame"
One love, one blood, one life, you've got to do what you should. One life, with each other sisters, brothers One life, but we're not the same, we've got to carry each other,
And I'm really really really happy. After a year of a lot of drama +++ (that still hasn't ended), at least I get a breather from somewhere ... until I look at my homework pile. I think the teachers think we're superheroes. Or maybe this is the only way we'll (supposedly) do well next year. I guess in some sense, no matter how you resent it, you can't fully blame them. But whatever.
Went out to Taka/Kino on Friday, bought my stuff and ate A LOT. Or rather, we ordered a lot. :( And we ate really really salty french fries. Got quite a lot lined up in the short span of two weeks, and I need to complete the bulk of my homework. OotM party, CG Retreat, Peeknic with Qingyi, Movie with B@S + Debate girls, fair trade coffee with Jiahui? And I'll probably go out with Sarah This is what 2009 has been missing. Social life. I'm excited.
Also getting to catch up on A LOT of shows - driving me into crazy withdrawal but *sigh*. I wanna sponsor an African kid. I think they deserve a shot. I'm going to go into hiding and shun reality of 2010 + @#$% Os. (Rawr rawr!)
Fight for this love. (Give me the courage, because I'm really afraid)
This is what Forbes said, on the world's most powerful people, on Obama's Peace Prize,
"He was recently awarded the Nobel Peace Prize, apparently for general awesomeness"
One more day of school, one more day one more day ONE MORE DAY !!! Then I'll throw 2009 away away away. The only thing I'm hoping for right now, is the best bunch of teachers next year. Because !!!
Social experiments are quite fun. Today I went around shouting "BOOMZ" to everyone, and everyone except one replied me "SHINGZ!" Haha. Oh well. Tomorrow out with Liyan to Taka, where I'm prefably going to find my planner for 2010.
I've been missing a lot of people of late. It's kinda tough, don't really know why. But I guess a sudden ... withdrawal?
Just watched GG - it was terrible. I mean, there was one part which was terrible. I ate a Macaroon for the first time in my life today! It's the first thing I can strike off my "things to do before I die" list, and "things to do before I turn 30" list. My sister didn't like it and so gave it to me.
Going out on Friday. I feel, happy! I don't like situations in which I don't know what to say, or what to do. DISC replacement tomorrow, until 6.15pm - followed by Piano till around 9pm. Then I guess I shall sleep. Don't forget to live, don't live for anyone else.
2 artists that really really play ... inspiring, so to speak songs - are Lighthouse Family and Jack Johnson.
I was reading through Africa Doesn't Matter today, and the put us through a really tough scenario. It was kinda like "Nations" on facebook. I've got 1 Chinese Paper 2, and 1 English TYS to finish up. Sigh.
I think it's really sad how we can all relate to painful situations.
ALL THE BEST HIGHER CHINESE, MALAY AND OTHER MOTHER TONGUE GIRLS !!! I'M SURE YOU WILL ALL ACE YOUR O's. (Unlike noobs like me who cmi!). STAY CALM, AND BE BRILLIANT! :)
I hate it when situations are such that I just don't have a clue of what to say, what to do.
I'm going to buy my flats & bag really really soon. And eat Macs. I guess, with SIMULACRUM. :) New Zealand for a month - it's really exciting, the prospect of some place new, some place different. A break; a rest. What I've wanted so badly since the start of the year. - To escape.
Finished GG & 90210 today, will Melrose Place tomorrow, prolly X Factor too. CG Retreat's coming up -that's really exciting. Got absolutely no idea what's a good place to go out for an afternoon. OMG !!! WHY DO I HAVE MILEY CYRUS STUCK IN MY HEAD RN!
I miss quite a lot of things, and many people right now.
Today I was telling Jiahui that Love = Irrationality. I changed my mind. Fear makes you do crazy things - it's the second most powerful emotion, and it's not good.
Yiruma, Maksim Mrvica - 2 of the most classic contemporary pianists.
SATURDAY! :D One week of EC down, one week to go. Don't like the prospect of 2010, don't like how the Africans are suffering even more. It's painful - reading Africa doesn't matter. The amount of money we can produce in an hour, they'd take ages.
OMG I really need to catch up on my Gossip Girl, 90210, Glee, Melrose Place, but most importantly X Factor !!! :) HAHA. I'm almost done with 90210. This is sad.
And the amount of people who think Dubai is in India is appalling. Seriously!
I want to buy Yiruma - Yellow Room & First Love. Maskim doesn't usually play original though. ;)
What if all the religious extremists, racial extremists, only want to make one point clear - "Listen to me, I am part of your world, and I need you to understand me, my needs, my people - I tried, I tried peacefully, but obviously that didn't work. You are threatening my survival, subtly, but surely. Since you won't listen, now it's my turn."
Think about it - while the USA practically controls the world, people in ... say, the Middle East barely get a say, what if these to countries (regions) were to change sides. Do you think you can really say that USA will just sit back, and do nothing?
Don't get me wrong, I fully disagree with their practices, their violence, their massacre of 2059835 people. I guess my point is - is it fair to put 100% of the blame on them? Can you really say it's all their fault.
Which is why education is key, why more people need to realise that violence (or suicide) is never the answer, never.
Yet then again, everything is easier said than done.
I need a filler between my 下一站，幸福 and 桃花小妹。Apparently Gossip Girl, 90210, Melrose Place and Glee doesn't work. Or maybe it does, if I bother to watch the whole episode and then continue and all that but it's just different.
I want to go back to Ion, buy my flats and bag (which I haven't found). And nuggets with Kelly !!!
Ugh, A Math just messes with my brain ttm. I don't have a clue what I'm doing and I can't do any A Math whatsoever. It's so annoying !!! And it's not like I don't wanna do it and all that right. >:( Forget it I'll just do Rev 6,10 in school tomorrow. Oh, I've alr given up on binomial. Whatever.
NZ Soon, School ends in 9 days !!! (CG Retreat)
Oh, Happy Birthday Ben! Thanks for being such a longggg friend. ;)
It was a pretty slack day today. Nothing but Physics SPA (I didn't get the frigging rhetorical values while everyone else did), and a 2 period Chemistry Lecture with involuntarily Chinese KTV.
Been sorting out my desktop which is not only really really messy, but also has like absoultely zilch memory space !!! (Like srsly, 4GB on my C: Drive isn't funny at all, and I don't really want to transfer things, esp my music which takes up like 10GB !!! But then my iTunes would have to redo everything.)
I'm being cheenafied for like the next 7 months - A1 A1 A1 ... A2?
In all honesty - I don't want to live a moment of my life not liking what I do, and not being happy, doing something I'll regret. I don't want to look back and feel sad that I've did x and y, and I didn't do a and b. I don't think I want to live a life and feel sad about anything. I suppose sometimes we make the wrong choices. But when we can help it.
To make the best out of any situation. I've done it before, can I do it again?
Today I went down to ION for the first time. (Wow, I am 235098x deprived). Anyway The Body Shop was on a weekend special, so I bought soap! And I went to Prologue which had a 25% discount storewide and bought 2 books for the holidays - You or Someone Like You, and Africa Doesn't Matter.Today was the last day for their offers for both shops, which was pretty cool.
Dad took me out for dinner to celebrate yesterday's, since he didn't get the chance to yesterday. Hehe.
2x weeks extended curriculum starts tomorrow, I can make ittttt. (But 2010 is the scariest year ever).
i. Cloudy with Sarah ii. Movie with B@S Girls + Debate? iii. Many many with Pris HAHA iv. Ice Cream with OM Team? v. Shoppinggg with ... we'll see vi. Wii with D & E vii. CG Retreat viii. Mentoring ix. Interview?
To everyone who came down yesterday, who cheered us on, who encouraged us all the way - to Melissa who was the only judge at the end of it all, to the teachers, advisors, the other 2 groups, and the banner! And to team allegro (team AD2000/team NewEnergy). Thank you all very very much. It would of been impossible without everyone who supported and came down. To people at dinner, it was a very very enjoyable dinner (:
Right now, I'm just so thankful and appreciative. I keep rewinding to yesterday on the stage where everybody was just so happy. It's all fuzzy right now, and in a blur. But still - it'll last forever.
