Layout: x o x o
Inspiration: I ; II
Color codes: I
Icon: I
i'll stand by you
Wednesday, March 31, 2010 @ 20:00
I guess I would say today went pretty well. Best we've ever gave, and that's all I'd ask for. :) The 2GY cheer after school was epic, can't wait for a full blown one on sports day.
I keep knocking into things today, and a tennis ball hit my face, hard. This is pretty annoying. And just as I found my blue pen, I dropped it on the floor, cap open, with the pen tip hitting the floor, and bouncing off it twice. To no one's surprise, @#$%. :( But nevermind.
Physics + A Math may just kill. But what doesn't kill you makes you stronger (hopefully).
I'm so glad this is a 4 day week though, really. When school becomes so intense, that one day makes all the difference. This makes me feel (y). And also, geog test is postponed! :D These things really make my day.
But we're one class. And we're one class that will pull together, to live through the year. (Please).
Today, I am thankful for dinnertime conversations with my family. I think it's arguably the most entertaining part of my day, second to only Kelly's random moments in class.
One day though, one day I'll travel the world.
(Are we too naive to hold on to such expectations)
Ohoh! & We're having a party Good Friday afternoon, ho-hum, that should be fun. At least I don't have to set it aside to do other stuff haha. And omg omg omg, my show won't load. Like seriously, I can die waiting for it to load. Rawr. The whole day I've been waiting for it to load. This is pissin' me off :(
Today, I bought Marcel Proust's "Swann's Way" for $30 bucks from Borders, and I realised I couldn't even comprehend the preface, let alone the first page. I'm not sure whether it's the translation grammar or what not, but it's going to take me 10 years to read the entire "In Search of Lost Time". Oh by the way, if you really need to know how tough it is, I understand more Chinese than I do this. And this is in English, ENGLISH.
Also, I decided I am going to set aside 1 hour/Saturday for QT. Since I don't get much done w/in the week itself. It's better than nothing, right? (:
Hmm. Right then, after I finish "Blink", I shall dive into "Outliers". Then, depending on whether Jiahui is done with platypus, I'll either screen "The Tipping Point", or borrow "What the Dog Saw". And that sums up Malcom Gladwell's sociology series. For now.
Through You, I can do all things.
Nothing is impossible.
Including an A1 for Chinese. (:
(Though it won't fall from the sky la!)
Goodnight world, as we all prepare for a scary, scary, daunting, Monday tomorrow. :)
Sigh, I've just put 2 days of blood, sweat and tears into writing a recount, but less than 3 hours worth into my narrative. I really want to write a narrative for my Os though, please don't make me write a recount.
1 week down, 9 (+2) to go. Despite all this that we're going through, at the end of it all I'm gonna miss it. I'm gonna miss hanging with my friends, going to miss the times we would just screw everything and anything.
Hell yeah! I convinced my mum to switch of her lights. + The entire Singapore Skyline had a light shutdown in front of my eyes, this was pretty amazing, spectacular, and encouraging. Seriously. "It's not about what country you're from, but what planet you're from".
Dear boy, cheer up and wipe your damp eyes. Look around you, the world's so much more than what you live for. You don't deserve to feel like this, but I can't help you anymore than what I've done now. You have to promise me you'll start believing in yourself, because you are so much more than you think you are.
I kinda miss being able to write in a snap of an instant. Now I have to think through everything and anything, I think it's cuz my brain's doing too much at once. Ugh. My mum came to talk to me mid-afternoon, while I was still sleeping, and I only collected half of what she wanted to say.
Cheryl Cole's (Tweedy's) cover of Fireflies is extremely soothing, go listen!
(Anything that's worth having, is sure enough worth fighting for).
But yes, at least once in my life, I shall view the Aurora Borealis from up north. Because the Earth deserves to be witnessed in its splendor.
Night, world!
Hope you had a good Earth Hour & did your part, b'cuz my lights sure went off! (:
i. tomorrow i will compare and contrast the difference in the intensity of lights in the surrounding buildings before and after 8.30! and imma stand by the window and see all the lights get switched off hoo-hoo. :-)
ii. this week passed so fast, it's pretty darn scary.
iii. life will get better, life will get better, life will get better.
I'd call it a disappointing run of events, and a pretty good wake up call.
Pick yourself up, Hannah - you've got no more time to waste, seriously.
I am honestly at a loss right now, no idea which way to go, and I've no idea how I managed to accomplish something like that. @#$%. I don't wish to see myself die yet. Either burn out (or the lack thereof).
Motivation + Self Discipline - Something's gotta work (!!!)
--
Well sooner or later (and please sooner) I'll come to see the light of day. I'll learn what it means, and the drama of the @#$% Os will blow over. I can do this. In all your ways acknowledge Him, lean not on your own understanding.
Oh, and - Be authentic, be real. You don't live/change for anybody, and I believe it's important to remember that.
It's not fair, because a lot more goes on behind closed doors, than we'd ever expect; know.
Think about it. Think once, think twice.
I really wanna go 313@Somersetting one day. Just not now. It's so sad that everyone is slowly toppling over. I'll probably survive this term, then we'll think about it. Sad O's consume us though, when it shouldn't. I honestly think we can contend for "most stressed out students" in the world.
I am slowly losing my ability to write, read, listen. Must learn to pick myself up, and fast, because ticking clocks are not my friend. If I one day find the ability to balance my life well enough, will I make it out safe, is it really possible!
Remain thankful. When the going gets tough, we keep the faith. We live in the faith that tomorrow will be a better day. And eventually, it does.
In the Bible, God said 365 times, "do not worry". Maybe I should take a leaf or two out of that. But it's difficult letting go though. Endurance. These 10 weeks, 71 days will be a true, true, true test of endurance, perseverance, and strength.
But hi. Did you know that 11 000 - 12 000 babies are aborted each year in Singapore alone? I find this extremely disgusting. And to think we complain of suffering from a baby cringe.
Can't wait for these 7 months to be over, seriously. Then I'm going to have the time of my life. These 7 months of torture better be worth it. Hopefully I'll be able to find joy in everyday, every hour, every minute - please don't be unbearable. Sigh. I think it kinda sucks to be forever posting a countdown/about Os/about the academic part of Os. And its even sadder that this is what my life revolves around.
But anyway, Bena Hee cooks Maggi Mee in the microwave! (Titanium!). Haha, and well yeah, there was no cg today so we went out for lunch in AIR CON. "I want eat air con". It was super hot, but I managed to cover a lot of blink. (say, 2.5 chapters?). Hmm, I need to read the Bible a bit more.
Tsktsk, 1 hour till doomsday - 25% of homework complete? (:
I think the internet is the most amazing thing ever - suddenly at least half the entire world is connected through that invisible signal. Suddenly all over the world I know your interests and you know mine and all that, and to imagine just 15 years ago all this was non existent, and now, it isn't impossible for the entire world to know the entire world. "The power of facebook"
I hate choices; I hate making them, I hate the consequences that follow, though some good, knowing you can't have your cake and eat it too exasperates me. It's extremely irritating when you know all's not black and white anymore, when responsibility becomes yours, and not your parent's or anyone elses, and when you know choices you make will burn bridges.
Mm, but I've been feeling extremely happy these few days b'cuz of the chain of events that have made be extremely happy + thankful. Hopefully it'll pppush me through the entire term 2 which is pretty pretty intimidating largely due "@#$% Os" + Good Friday is coming !!! (Y) = easter eggs & a good reflective time. Mum called to ask me what pen colour I wanted ... found that rather peculiar.
And once again, the thought of being sec four is a real pretty scary one, honestly - because SC has been nothing but a comfort zone and to move out of here I'd have no idea what's gonna happen. - But time after time change constantly wakes us up, and spirals us into a who knows what of what knows who. (OMG CHIM SENTENCES DURING GUIDES CAMP).
and to you: are we slowly losing you, because i'd really prefer not to lose you. suddenly i forget how it is to talk to you and how confident you were of yourself, what's going to happen to us now?
when we evaporate into snow and dust, we will realise we don't matter at all.
CAMP'S OVER. - was really really fun, can't believe I'm actually missing it cuz I've never missed a guide camp before, except June training. 2am nights over everything under the moon and refusing to sleep caused great trouble today.
And God has been so great because DAMN STRAIGHT I PASSED VIOLIN. - So thanks everyone for encouraging/praying and teaching me Bach Bach Bach Bach Haydn. This is so so so good and reminds me w/ God nothing is impossible b'cuz honestly, I'd never expect to pass. (:
Ohoh! Congrats Jiahui !!! I believe you deserved it, stay strong okay?
And honestly, I still need to slow down for a day or two and think. Just think, reflect and sleep in a wooden house or something w/ absolutely nothing because thoughts just rush into my mind and I'd actually like to consider them but I can't find enough time to do all I needa do anyway so that doesn't even count.
And oh, 365 is dead so don't count on it anymore I will montage though and it will become a week of how many weeks are left in the year. (:
2010's been good so far. 7 months and the Os are over, 11 months and it's the UK entrance (likely), and somewhere in between, Grade 5 piano + Grade 8 violin !!! :D
i. breathe in the air of the world, remember it for how good it can be
ii. there's always someone worse off than you
iii. humans = company, company = necessary when you're down and out.
iv. keep the faith
v. just screw it.
mondays tuesdays wednesdays thursdays fridays are new in my phobia list, which is incredibly long and sometimes i wish i could spend the entire of my life talking and spending time with all the best people in the world, and so i'm thankful half of them are in school, and i've said it about a million times but when school becomes so @#$% that you do zuo wen in lit and sleep in chem and not know how to do physics and all, you do become thankful for that.
spent 4 hours + doing amath + physics, bulk doing amath and i can differentiate trigo! (or most of it) so that made me happy, then went on to send sister + mother to the airport cuz they're gg skiing in japan like !!!!!!! :(. mm and the rain hates me, went on 171 midway started to pour, plaza sing became more than cats and dogs, went on 14, rain stopped 2 stops after i boarded, went off 2 minutes after it poured.
mhm, so now i'm home and its close to twelve and i don't really wanna sleep till 1am which is what i will probably do. idk, been feeling really up & downish, but kelly was seriously epic today. HAHA. k so don't set yourself on fire !!! + listen to jack johnson/jj.
so today was great too because i went out for lunch until around 3 with the cg which i haven't done in a forever time. so i have an extremely enjoyable weekend and didn't touch any work, which i haven't had the opportunity of doing since the start of school and won't have the chance to anymore either.
i can live on jason mraz for the rest of my life. he is so spectacular, seriously. and my room is in such a mess looking at it gives me a headache but i really really just can't bring myself to clear it up because it'll take forever and get messier and i can't afford to get frustrated with inanimate things.
@#$% there are so many things to do i don't know where to start and i hateeeee that feeling like omg omg omg. @#$% @#$% @#$% KEYBOARD MASH osubosuegboesuthswoetuhtsoeshouh o@!!!!!! 3whtouwegboseubfsoefbaoeufobesfus. I really need new ways of releasing tension (@#$%).
everywhere i go everyone asks how school is or how i'm doing and i'd really like to tell them something else than "i'm dying" "ughh" etc etc etc but the truth is it'll kill to try to find a nicer word to put in because it's nothing short of the above and the fact of the matter is we've never come across anything bigger than that so like all of you facing your biggest obstacle so are we.
Friday night + Saturday evening was pure awesomeness.
From 1+ hours of talking on the phone, to music night (and sleeping @@@ 1) to night parties w/ great company (though new acquaintances) = (y), + talking to a. stacy whom I talk to about like almost everything in the world and it's just awesome to talk to her (y). i reallly love meeting + talking to people, especially people who you can talk to about the world (and I've been blessed to have such people).
so so so there's no guitar tomorrow hence idk how to spend my sunday but i shall chill because i haven't done that in a longggg time.
I want a globe, I find globes very very very pretty. + wanderlust :(. But anyway, I'll make it past this year and then I'll trot around the world (hopefully) + CHURCH CAMP = WIN. So dates to look forward to - 31st May, 12th November.
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day?
Holidays have been eaten up :( So to make up for that - we're going everywhere in whatever time we have (hopefully!). I need to get stuff on Sunday so I'll go down to Parkway (probably) despite there being no guitar (hooray!). Many lunches up ahead, and I'll probably finally get my nuggets with Kelly like after an insane amount of time (!!!) @#$%.
Well anyway, school's been how it will always be and it'll probably get worse. And it's one thing to give us work, but another thing to expect us to do all your work AND get sufficient sleep. It's either one or the other. :( And I really wanted to clear my room this week but evidently there isn't enough time. - Worse than the amount of time school takes up.
I really hope all this strain and stress on our soul and the loss of our youth and the year spent swearing about everything under the sun will pay off next year. But God is faithful and will provide and I have to have to have to learn, believe, have faith that I will be alright. (Honestly).
In the past few days I've seen so many people have their world torn down, seen people from both ends of the spectrum break down and lose motivation/control and just really feel like dying and it's pretty scary and it really hurts just seeing them and not being able to do anything because you just can't. And so right now I'm just so thankful mine hasn't been too bad because anything at anytime can take over your life and you'll regret not appreciating it earlier.
Oh well, will we ever learn to be happy?
(I haven't typed like this in a long time, it does feel good! :))
i love having good company on the bus, people you can laugh the whole journey with, talk about the most irrelevant (and relevant) stuff ever, and for that 20/30 minutes forget about what the whole world held - this made my day today, so thanks, you.
i am really, really afraid that after we leave school all that we forged will disintegrate, and with time and distance we'd no longer be what we are now. being in school, in forced proximity we take all that for granted, but are we really going to be that lucky? it'd be such a pity because there are pretty amazing people all around, who i'd really hate to lose.
and when we learn to follow what we wanna, when we learn to screw with the world and do our own thing, then we'll be happy. when we disregard the rest of the world completely and can still carry on being happier than we've ever been before. when we learn to live, when we learn to embrace the goodness we should.
what's the point of keeping us in school when you decide to cancel almost every lesson on the list. still craving an iphone even though i shouldn't be but it can't be helped. OH OH, congrats to The Hurt Locker (Y). really should catch that + read jonathan safron foer, marcel proust.
i'm so tired and catching a break of more than 3 days is largely impossible and given any normal situation that'd be above expectations but all the have to do now is to give us a weekend + a day in the holidays and i'd be happy (well not but as happy as we're allowed anyway).
i really miss how we used to be and how we'd laugh and play and be completely happy because we had each other and knew we'd always be there (or so once upon a time), can we still be saved? because i'd really like to have us back to how we all were once again. okay, i shall crave lollipops now.
but honestly, honestly - something has got to change, my qt time is like > 5 minutes or something and it's not even qt seriously, which is kinda sad because my relationship w/God cannot die or i'll die first, and and and and and, oh but. i'm really thankful for my friends (again again) because talking to them every 5 minutes reminds me why i can still survive amidst all this.
remain alive, and grow - stay happy, positive, whatever it takes. OMG MY MUM IS SO CUTE HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. :D
so anyway, i fell alseep pretty quickly yesterday because i kinda knew it when i dozed off so thankfully la. if not i'd be like @#$% @#$%. did attempt to puke and now i gotta feeling i'm gnaa get sickkk :( :( :( :(, so please pray i won't (!!!). mmmm long week ahead school's taken up our entire march "holidays" (is that even legal?). - one week breaks don't even make sense actually. why why why why whyyyy is the pressure on what did we do to deserve thiss why don't you trust us enoughhhh. sigh, life is unfairrrr.
but during church today, it dawned on me that i have a prettty good life, so for that, i'm thankful. now we shall all become chinese nerds 8-) and be on our way to pretty A1s. :D [note to self: God's still in control !!!]
you've become a hell lot more competitive it makes me feel like i don't even know you anymore, and you are so kiddish it was really strange to talk to you from the beginning.
--
one day i'll sit down with limitless time and watch the world go by, but for now - 1 hour + of chinese everyday and hopefully it won't be in vain. (please god please). i kinda wanna see how long i can keep studying for before i go mad/burn burn burnnnn.
i need to make a trip to popular, probably on sunday - and buy fullscap (which we never stop using), correction tape + refills, light blue pen + postits? and i kinda wanna go down to woodwould/kiki.k to look at pretty stuff.
with God's strength i'll overcome, step by step. but i shall continue to trust in him and know that he will deliver. (:
school was the same old, but we had bearable lessons = fast/quick day. then there was prize giving and i was like so friggin' scared i didn't know where to look/focus. then i hung out with seniors and realised that we can get 6 w/o acing chinese which kinda gave me hope for a better day (hahahaah) but no la, just eased a bit of stress and now i'm so sleepy.
i love it when you used to be close, and you've not spoken in like x2423534 forever, but when you do talk again, it's like nothing ever changed and you're still pretty pretty close. (awesome + heartwarming). i think anything "heartwarming" is getting less & less common these days which is really rather sad.
dear john + the last song. probably wanna read it first, after kite runner. －but mugging chinese takes precedence. (rawr).
oh well it's 6 in the morning, and it's tgifffff. (awesome) - haven't had a full weekend in a while ...
Today was a pretty good day. I had my first 4 hour marathon physics cum amath tuition and I was really alert during physics but once we switched to math my brain wanted to explode. And I also became a hell lot more motivated to do more paper 2s for Chinese and I've no idea what will help and and and I'm just going to give my best.
I have 90 days. And in these 90 days, you'll see me do everything I can. I swear I've never given so much for one exam. I'm feeling pretty hungry right nowwwww I ate dinner at 4.50pm to rush off for tuition and I don't feel like sleeping !!!!!!
明天没有华文课! 所以不用把文件夹做好．（：
Mm. So keep chill, listen to good music, and just give it in for these 7 months.
one day our O's will be over and we will play till the sun sets and sun rises and still not be done but we won't care because we will be free and understand what it means to live. then we'll get our results back and hopefully be more pleased than not. then 10 years down the road and whenever else we decide to, we'll meet and reminisce about the old days which used to be nothing compared to what we go through (or not - if we choose to live high), we'll start to laugh at each other and we'd feel like nothing has changed.
"when the Os are over" - cuz sadly it's not the biggest thing but it consumes so much of us we can almost pick up the gun and shoot.
