Left to you

moving!

2010-11-12T22:13:00.002+08:00

I didn't manage to reach 1000 posts, just 39 short, but it's alright.

Anyway, relink!

http://halfundeveloped.blogspot.com

See you guys there!

3 weeks.

2010-10-24T00:26:00.006+08:00

Okay, this is it. If I die, I die, but I'm going to the battlefield. (Sorry, I'm listening to a really dramatic song now HAHA). But honestly, if I die, I really do die. But I've made choices, and these are consequences I'll live with. Hopefully I'll do alright. :)

Meanwhile:

1. Little House - Amanda Seyfried

2. Quelqu'un m'a Dit - Carla Bruni

3. Smile - Uncle Kraker

4. Marching On - One Republic

5. If I Die Young - The Band Perry

6. Shadowfeet - Brooke Fraser

and for those who love the really cheesy,

Summertime - New Kids on the Block :)

"Don't call after 10 but you know that I did cause I couldn't stop thinking bout you". Hehe, it's so cute. Reaaaally!

In Christ I stand (!!!), and although I might die from panic, I will not worry.

See you soon!

hehehehe.

2010-10-22T22:51:00.002+08:00

hi guys, this is my friend kelly, and this is how we communicate

all the gold dust in her eyes says (22:21):

HOHOHO.

♥ Kelly Christine (Na) Tan says (22:21):

HOHO .

all the gold dust in her eyes says (22:27):

heehee

♥ Kelly Christine (Na) Tan says (22:27):

TEEHEEESHEEHSEEE

all the gold dust in her eyes says (22:32):

~~~~

♥ Kelly Christine (Na) Tan says (22:35):

^^^

all the gold dust in her eyes says (22:35):

EH WHY YOU HAVE 3 EYES.

!!!

♥ Kelly Christine (Na) Tan says (22:35):

HAHA

all the gold dust in her eyes says (22:35):

omg damn scary YOU ARE A MONSTER

♥ Kelly Christine (Na) Tan says (22:39):

:-D

all the gold dust in her eyes says (22:39):

(#)(#)(#)

♥ Kelly Christine (Na) Tan says (22:42):

OOO

silver lining

2010-10-21T11:12:00.003+08:00

the best thing about all the shit music hitting billboard is that people are making massive good covers. :)

check out tyler ward & boyce avenue!

4 daaaaaays (!)

nick & vicki (team country of london) told their ghana cab driver this week they were going to the arctic circle. poor cab driver. :(

2010-10-17T21:15:00.002+08:00

you all should check out diana vickers, she's (y).

and watch letters to God. it's (y)(y).

7 days.

God bless my soul.

KevJumba + PapaJumba (Amazing Race 17) - GMH x 2357028935.

2010-10-15T00:23:00.001+08:00

there's so much to believe in in this world. :)

it's okay to fail.

2010-10-11T23:10:00.001+08:00

:')

2010-10-08T22:11:00.003+08:00

"Her last wish she shared with me was to enjoin our children to have our ashes placed together, as we were in life. ... I should find solace at her 89 years of her life well lived. But at this moment of the final parting, my heart is heavy with sadness."

- MM Lee's Eulogy

zonked o)

2010-10-07T21:26:00.004+08:00

nope, it's never been this intense.

i was so tired today i barely made it past 8pm. at 7+ i found myself lying on the bed, thinking it was already 9. but i checked my clock and realised it wasn't even 8. that sucks.

so i am on now, trying to distract myself from being tired. HEHEHE. talk about excuses.

okay.

(it's funny how one dream can remind you of, and throw you off, so frickin much.)

and i really miss talking to d1 and d2.

chasing illusions

2010-10-06T21:29:00.004+08:00

The only salvation in doing math, is doing math while listening to Joshua Radin. Wished you all the best for your end years, really hope you do well. :)

Honestly, I really don't know what I'm doing here, but, a month + a little more to liberation (!)

I am a flower quickly fading,

here today and gone tomorrow,

a waved tossed in the ocean,

a vapour in the wind.

Still You, You hear me when I'm calling,

You catch me when I'm falling.

it's not as easy as it seems.

2010-10-04T23:15:00.001+08:00

I think I'm slowly getting better at writing what I really want to convey.

2010-10-03T21:12:00.003+08:00

(rest in peace, madam kwa geok choo).

so inspirational - mr and mrs lee kuan yew gmh.

in other news - the commonwealth games just started and Pratibha Patil is now on my respect ttm list.

really?

2010-10-02T16:07:00.005+08:00

Spending my Saturday watching Amazing Race Asia 4, and Amazing Race 17 (with bouts of physical geography):

Phil: "Nick and Vicky, what's the name of this country?"

Vicky: "We're in London, right?"

Phil: "That, that's right, the country of London."

And other comments like -

"I've never heard of Stonehenge until now, and when I got here, it was just like, a bunch of rocks?" - o, and it was said by the same person.

Really?

This is why it's my weekly dose of humour. :)

But I love the Amazing Race(s).

2010-10-01T20:44:00.002+08:00

1. I'm Yours - Jason Mraz

2. Hey Soul Sister - Train

3. Wavin' Flag - K'naan

inkling

2010-09-29T21:52:00.002+08:00

Yeah, so Cheryl has introduced me to this before, with Chinese subtitles, and ultimately the Chinese version, but I think the English subtitles in this one sum up perfectly what it feels like now.

Because at the end of the day, no matter how many people you're surrounded by - you're still you, and this is your life. Not anyone else's.

bright eyed.

2010-09-24T21:13:00.001+08:00

Okay, here we go.

A month till the start of O's, a month + 3 weeks to the end of O's, 2 months of complete freedom. This is good. WE CAN DO THIS.

We'll just do papers after papers and make sure all content is memorised so we don't even have to think, we'll whack the O's, and we won't regret.

Then we'll have the time of our lives.

LET'S DO THIS.

uninspired.

2010-09-19T20:40:00.004+08:00

i face a cluttered desk, with remnants of incomplete homework, and study material. it's destined to be unfinished.

i haven't felt so mundane or uninspired in my entire life, and inspiration drives me, and motivation follows inspiration.

i don't know how i'll get past this, but i know time, propelling us forward and no place else, will force me to overcome these circumstances.

stealing time from the computer, it's a horrible distraction.

i bought never let me go and my father's tears and other stories, for less than 20 bucks due to all sorts of discounts at borders. it should have been $50 +, so that's a pretty good deal, and in other news, congratulations to my cg leader (!), and congratulations to faithfulness, i'm really proud of all of us. let's continue to be as one yeah ~

now, to fix the pieces of my life back together.

over emotional

2010-08-26T19:41:00.002+08:00

pffftttt.

engulfed in homework, someone throw me a safety rope.

(i'm sorry for the set of apathetic posts).

2010-08-25T23:09:00.002+08:00

my inability to sufficiently express myself in words.

(i wish i could)

when you stand, the tall trees and mountains bow

when you speak, the fiercest of oceans are still.

save me.

2010-08-24T17:33:00.002+08:00

i promise you, after these 8 weeks, i'll spend half my time on the violin piano and guitar.

sungha jung is so inspiring.

joke ~

2010-08-23T21:35:00.003+08:00

today was right about the funniest day in the history of funniest days, or the joke of the century.

because of miscommunication, oral exam could only start an hour later like @#$%, but it was alright. before my turn, the oral examiner decided to disappear so i could only smile like some funny thing to the one sitting there while waiting. damn joke la. but anyway, oral was ok la, like not like (y)(y) but ok la.

damn joke la srsly.

but that's all. unriddle is (y), zhou ying is (y).

ok!

2010-08-22T23:04:00.002+08:00

Singapore YOG U15 soccer team, you are my heroes forevermore.

If Singapore gets into the World Cup in my lifetime.

(but what shit was that today, haiti, you're all under 15 my goodness).

irresistable

2010-08-21T19:55:00.003+08:00

nothing to lose.

this week has been so roller coaster it's not even funny, trying to convince myself i'm happy, not knowing whether i was depressed, jaded or alright, convincing people they live in parallel universes and all they believe in may just prove to be bullshit (but it isn't, or really?). HAHA, and all that + more.

oral on monday and i've no idea whether i'll do well, but cross my fingers and hope i'll be fine, picture will be fine, conversation topic won't ask me to tell them a joke. omg.

I BOUGHT LYO AND MERLY. fine, i just bought lyo and my mom bought merly so now i need to go buy merly urrrgh. but they're so cute HEEHEE. my mum thought i was mad for wanted lyo & merly but WHATEVER. and i also bought the modern pentathlon pin cuz they looked like they had no idea what they were doing. HAHA.

where a little faith's enough to see mountain's lift and move.

2010-08-18T22:12:00.004+08:00

God is still good.

On you I throw my life,

Casting all my fears aside,

How could greater love than this ever possibly exist.

fight for this love.

2010-08-17T23:33:00.002+08:00

anything that's worth having, sure enough worth fighting for.

today must have been the most mundane day in the entire 2010, possibly my lifetime. tomorrow though, i'm all ready to start fighting for english marks.

it's insane, i didn't believe what they meant by "this is just the beginning" till about today, it's so tiring and everyone looks like either a zombie or a robot, which is frightening. but that's about it.

raise your hopeful voice, you have a choice.

you've made it known.

though at the end of the day, i'm so thankful for the friends i have in school it's unimaginable. 1/2/3/4 years with them has made everything so amazing.

but i'll make it through this mess, of this, i'm sure.

2010-08-15T23:03:00.001+08:00

i'll choose to sing

i'll choose to praise

i'll choose to bless your name.

2010-08-15T22:27:00.000+08:00

i just may be sinking into depression.

undefined

2010-08-15T21:36:00.002+08:00

Today has been a good day. (y).

Thanks Faithfulness, for your card + cake. It was really sweet, and I didn't expect it! :) And Kindness for your extremely impromtu birthday song that scared the hell out of me. The rest of the day was spent stealing 20 minute naps on the bus, skimming through guitar notes, and watching YOG. I also decided to catch up on BGT, which was a good decision. The talent + humor there is second to none. (X Factor premiers this week!)

On the other hand, I should really think about getting my act together. 10 (9?) weeks, and I think I have eternity. This is realllly bad. Promised to stop slacking after this week, so hopefully I can hold myself to it. I should really think about studying seriously.

Communicating online is getting too tiring for me.

And thanks everyone else for your really nice wishes + presents/cards. :)

thank you.

2010-08-13T16:20:00.002+08:00

everybody, for making this day so thoroughly enjoyable.

HEEHEE, I am now 16! :)

But really, thank you everyone, today has been so special. :)

I can't believe how much homework there is to do this weekend, I didn't know the teachers were capable of dousing tons of papers on us just after prelims ended. Oh well.

+ Mum made most amazing cheesecake, which was really sweet (!) Chinese is coming out in a couple of days, and I couldn't be more fearful, but it's alright. I WILL BE FINE. I PRAY HOPE DIE MUST BE FINE.

woah, i'm quite tired now. :(

open fire/penultimate

2010-08-12T17:50:00.002+08:00

i. just to see if you'd remember

ii. i'll keep you guessing

iii. every man has a story

iv. through the stash of fallacies, there is always truth.

v. before it's too late

vi. don't believe what you hear

Unriddle has been surprisingly good, putting a bit more faith into the Singapore arts scene. Need to read a lot more, and perhaps get down to studying one of these days. Whatever.

we're all human

2010-08-11T15:33:00.002+08:00

I'm so sorry about being completely ignorant to your situation last year. I think it was completely disgusting of me to be so self absorbed as to ignore how sad and lonely you were feeling. You tried to confide in me, and instead of comforting or trying to help, I just threw the same feelings back at you, expecting you to completely understand, sympathise and empathise with me. I have no idea what the heck I was doing back then, but I'm really sorry.

Love,

Prelims are over!

But there are consequences, and we shall soon see how. (@#$%).

(And, can someone please give me an accurate estimation on when our Chinese results are coming out, my heart dies a little each time someone mentions it).

At least prelims are over.

disconnected

2010-08-10T17:43:00.003+08:00

want to do a proper post on the weekend but can't

aggghgahgshahhahgouetohast;aet'aetoahoetuhaet.

haven't actually taken temp yet but pretty sure i'm harbouring a fever

chemistry is gonna be so shady

GOD HEAL ME.

please?

tomorrow and it's over.

tomorrow and it's over

tomorrow and it's over.

HELL YEAH.

feeling so unwell ...

2010-08-09T20:25:00.002+08:00

:( :( :( :( :(

hate this stuffy throat cough runny nose kinda shit.

doesn't mix with me, y'hear.

near completion/not almost there:

2010-08-05T16:03:00.003+08:00

i. couldn't do anything but watch

ii. unusually lighthearted

iii. cheer up and dry your damp eyes

iv. rising intensity

v. no, you'll never.

vi. yes, i want to, but i can't.

"but people themselves alter so much, that there is something new to be observed in everyone forever"

- pride & prejudice, chapter 9.

one mcq paper away from partial freedom, it's nice to know that i'm almost done with this hurdle, my last internal examination (:O!). it does make me rather happy, but to know we're one day closer to when daily interaction w/ some of the best people has to end, is dispiriting.

and i am really happy today actually, like i've conquered the world, though i know i have barely conquered anything. oh well ~ ignorance is bliss!

tomorrow's gonna be a good day. :)

ps: i'm praying for awesome light tomorrow ~

you:

2010-08-03T18:56:00.001+08:00

never. give. up.

i really don't know what else to say.

revelation:

2010-08-02T20:08:00.002+08:00

when suddenly, anything below an A1 = falling short of standard, when you consider yourself to be performing horribly when you get above 10 points.

the good news is, there's no more content subjects (!), the closest being chem, which we have an entire weekend to mug anyway.

v. v. excited about malaysia because it means shopping + hotel breakfasts + a good break + studying chem in comfort, and a bit of shooting :), and it's just a break from the mundane routine stressful aofoshesd;f';soth life i'm living.

cg boys are the funniest, oh my goodness, love them to death.

damn, i really miss shooting, and being free, and not having to live up to the fear of failing.

in anticipation:

2010-07-31T16:56:00.002+08:00

The next three + months, or 12 weeks, however you want to count them, will be extremely trying, and uncertain.

But now I say,

I'll choose to sing

I'll choose to praise

and I'll choose to bless.

(Your love it broke my fall, it's more than enough and I need it)

After these 3 + months, I'm going to enjoy what I deserve to enjoy, and I'm going to make sure I feel happy every single moment. Because I didn't go through this hell for nothing. :)

Don't regret.

i'll never know how much it cost

2010-07-31T12:26:00.002+08:00

to see my sin up on that cross.

i'm quite excited for the plans that are yet to come.

i'm quite happy that the week of prelims are over, though i feel i haven't performed well. i feel so unprepared, like you didn't give me sufficient time, but at least i'm thankful they're early, because we'd never be prepared anyway. (a truth which i have come to realise).

after prelims, i'd be left with about 9 weeks to study, and 12 weeks to endure.

i will make it.

i hate expectations, i really do.

aiya, sian.

(but i'll make it).

screw six points la honestly.

halfway:

2010-07-30T16:24:00.002+08:00

proper conversation with my dad, which was enlightening

out with my mum

fop with jiahui + churchies tonight

emath was a total disappointment, but at least there's paper two and amath.

fop was really, really good.

my mind is full of half developed thoughts. i'll get down to processing them someday. HEHEHEH.

and all the roads are winding

2010-07-28T15:33:00.003+08:00

i think the most hardcore papers are over, and for that, i'm extremely thankful. the entire three days have been a major "oh shit oh shit damnnn!" and headaches + deliberation on when to drink my can of coffee.

still 1.5 weeks to go but ~ (HAHA).

i. i hope to see you again, in genuine happiness, without a care in the world.

ii. sometimes i do feel like i've misjudged you, that you're so much more. so sometimes i feel quite sad for you, and sometimes myself.

iii. and i'm really happy we're closer now. :)

smoked so much today for geography, hope teachers don't die from lung cancer.

if anything, what i've learnt throughout the week:

God is good. :)

live for 12th november. (but after the prelims is when we really start studying).

you:

2010-07-25T21:53:00.003+08:00

i hope you never ever give up.

(sometimes i wish i knew how to make you feel better, but i'm sorry i don't, and when i can't)

never say never (!)

2010-07-24T22:03:00.003+08:00

i'll be there when the world stops turning

i'll be there when the storm is through

(life is a road and i wanna keep going)

when fear and paranoia strangles you,

when you lose how to feel,

when numbness takes over.

i. you, whose innocence was stolen

ii. cheer up.

WE CAN DO THIS.

incomplete:

2010-07-23T20:38:00.002+08:00

i. always give her a chance

ii. extreme polarities of humanity

iii. you'll never be that special

iv. and everything just drains you completely

v. null.

vi. you'll always be my number one.

vii. IT'S SO FLUFFY I'M GONNA DIE.

one day i'm going to collapse on the floor and cry

2010-07-19T20:18:00.001+08:00

i. reply letters

ii. stay focused

iii. find more good music!

i've never been so close

2010-07-18T18:10:00.002+08:00

but i doubt i'll go any farther.

(and there was some truth to his status tho).

this has been such a tiring weekend, but i think i've had a good amount of fun, knowing that i should have probably had less, but it's been alright. a rush of emotions as well.

i wish i had you, and i wish i'll never lose so many of you.

"我们都不要放弃都别说灰心永远听从刻在心中那些声音感觉累了的时候请你把我的手握紧"

that's it for the week, wish me luck!

shouldn't set my hopes up too high

2010-07-17T21:10:00.003+08:00

'cause every hello ends with a goodbye.

but you're so hyponotising,

you've got me laughing while i sing,

you've got me smiling in my sleep.

aaaagh a majorly unproductive day today, but i caught up with some (y) music. :) and i should really try to do a little bit more chemistry because chemistry day is turning into chemistry week and i still need to rush ss but i can't because i'm in pain and the internet is now like a magnet (because people are talking to me hahahaha).

jackets + hoodies + slippers fest, 9 days to prelims, aaaaghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. okay i'm sorry this is so rantfull, but i have nothing interesting to say except NO MORE CHINESE TUITION HALLELUJAH unless i have to retake @#$%.

mm, so i hope everyone's doing fine (Y).

exhausted

2010-07-16T22:36:00.002+08:00

i am completely gone. it is friday night, and i have absolutely no motivation whatsoever to push myself to study. this week has been so tiring.

i guess it has been good, but right now, exhaustion overwhelms me.

being off the internet is (y), actually. but the internet is important, and necessary. hehe.

10 minutes to school

2010-07-12T05:56:00.002+08:00

(fyeahworldcup)

and i'll leave you with this.

when i get older, i will be stronger

2010-07-10T09:12:00.003+08:00

they'll call me freedom,

just like a waving flag.

2010-07-09T21:47:00.002+08:00

this week has been long ~~~

my mum has finally decided she's gonna kidnap my laptop, and despite the @#$% hours of trying to convince her otherwise, i have given up.

i'm so tired right now, i could crash into bed but i need to know if evee wants me to send her songs (!)

but yes, spain. (y).

a state of hysteria.

2010-07-07T20:34:00.002+08:00

the past two days have been the most exhausting, but despite all that, it was good to go back to the sweetest boys @ tuition who define scandalous as scanning a candle, and toybox sans kelly for ice cream. :) :) :) so this has made me really happy. it's hard to imagine it's just 3 more months till we're off school, but i know this won't mean goodbye.

two days gone, two more to go.

let's do this.

spain ~

dear sleep,

2010-07-05T17:13:00.001+08:00

why are you so frickin attractive when i can't have you!

20 minute nap became a 3 hour one, this just denotes i can afford to stay up till about 12mn tonight, chionging oral and chinese ~~~ and math and english. barely studied this weekend but i've settled my testimonial and hopefully my internet fast will work, so long as i actually study, that'd be good.

ugh.

happy youth day everybody! go eat some pancakes.

picture's fading

2010-07-03T17:54:00.006+08:00

I've had an influx of pretty good music over the past few days, this makes me really happy. (:

Laura Jansen - The End, Single Girls

Sara Bareilles - King of Anything (cutest video ever)

One Night Only - Say You Don't Want It.

Mm, today, or what has passed of today, has been pretty good. Got my long awaited The Message (Bible), and got my black pen + ruler (s I keep losing).

OH YES - Can someone please tell me what's happening in the World Cup, like honestly, Netherlands 2 - 1 Brazil? (OWN GOAL SOMEMORE).

I miss you, very much. I don't really know what went wrong along the way, but I'm praying we'll have the opportunity to rebuild it, I really am.

an instrumental -

2010-07-02T21:02:00.003+08:00

I believe there's something new to learn everyday, everywhere, and from everyone, and we should.

Week 1's over (!!!). I'm so glad, I think this week was just tough just because I had to find the routine of getting back into school and listening to the same thing over and over again just from different teachers. It's interesting how our generation will be so different from theirs.

But anyway, and amazing load of work, and a terrible fail at hiatus. That being said, I don't need it as much now, not for the previously intended reason at least. Chinese oral next Tuesday, please pray! Practicing speaking in Chinese like yeah ~~~.

Setting Sail - Port Blue (Adam Young).

High - Lighthouse Family.

But anyway, I'm thankful for these epic conversations I have with Toybox and many others everyday, it's amazing.

(I am so glad the @#$%ing referee got fired, like seriously, don't give me shit. + Brazil plays amazingly, undecided on whether to watch tonight's match!)

Oh, so this is how you wanna play it?

2010-06-30T19:23:00.001+08:00

Game on.

(thank God the cake's done).

empty hearts in great demand

2010-06-29T23:45:00.002+08:00

we'll be a dream - we the kings ft. demi lovato

november - azure ray

dead hearts - stars (y).

i'm sorry if i've disappointed you, if (to you), i've got my priorities wrong, but i'm so tired, and i'm so sick of everything and as hypocritical as this is i'm so tired and this convenience of shuffling responsibility is really irritating, and honestly, if you are disappointed in me, i'm disappointed in you to, because you can't understand, and you never have.

happiness should be a state of mind, not a destination ~

why am i not feeling it now?

japan/paraguy 0-0, if this comes down to penalties @#$%.

(ps: i'm sorry if you've talked to me on msn today and i wasn't in the best of moods).

what good is the title if you were dying.

2010-06-28T20:31:00.002+08:00

"He felt at once as if he had never done anything, never been anywhere. There were so many things to do"

Day 1 wasn't too bad, thankfully.

"the greatest love story is your own"

2010-06-26T21:34:00.001+08:00

truly, truly.

(moving to italy ~~~)

2010-06-26T20:52:00.002+08:00

hi, you know i really miss you? i miss how we used to run around together and "steal money" to buy bubble gum, and how we were so innocent and we really spent so much time together, how i used to bully you and how now you bully me (thanks a lot). what a pity i don't feel so comfortable with you now, i really miss it, a lot.

but i'm really thankful for all the rest, and you, but hopefully we'll learn to rebuild our friendship?

2010-06-25T20:44:00.001+08:00

Dear God, please pull me back to you, again.

real.

2010-06-25T19:47:00.003+08:00

If all goes according to plan, I'll spend this weekend on the internet, and see you guys around August.

It's school, not really my leaving internet plan. I hate school, well no. I hate O levels and the Singaporean society who want us all to do well @#$%. I do look forward to going back to school, I mean, some part of me does.

But I mean, I do hope this leaving internet for a while thing does work out for the better. I'm really absorbing too much (irrelevant) rubbish, which has been making me a little wonky, and driving me insane.

I need to experience and absorb something real.

REAL.

@#$% @#$% @#%#%# ouhalsoguabpigovaiywegf.

2010-06-25T11:02:00.005+08:00

THERE ARE TIMES WHEN I REALLY WANNA KILL YOU.

LIKE REALLY REALLY.

SCREW LIFE.

(ok fine don't screw life but @#$% OMG I NEED TO STRANGLE SOMEBODY).

anyway, i need to quit the internet (and tv) for a while, all these influences are driving me insane. i don't wanna care about who is bffs with who and who and who's more talented and who i should support but you see, i can't help it so screw like aosoeuhosuhxzc, and i get so upset overs superficial things because apparently my Fe is damn strong like @#$% like seriously, why should i even give damn. and this line between perception and reality is blurring, and it's unhealthy, because it's making me sadder i hate this i hate this.

OMG I AM SO ANGRY. if you're one of those whom i can talk to OMG CALL ME SO I CAN SCREAM INTO THE PHONE. I AM SO ANGRY (but i don't really know why) BUT ANYWAY. I NEED TO RELEASE THIS.

UGH I AM SO ANGRY I AM SO ANGRY I AM SO ANGRY.

and btw, i hate whom who and whose. SCREW GRAMMAR.

SO ANGRY. i haven't been angry in a while BUT SO ANGRY.

dear france and italy

2010-06-25T10:01:00.001+08:00

WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!

But imma proud of Japan & S. Korea!

I'm sorry for not being there, when I should have been.

2010-06-24T20:53:00.000+08:00

abstract fits

2010-06-24T18:21:00.003+08:00

I think the problem is, people are inclined to think that everybody thinks the same way they think, just because we have no idea how other people think. Y'know, we'd tend to take how we'd react to a situation and assume it's the same way they'll react, and all that, (On first instinct) which does lead to a whole lot of miscommunication. So actually, we'll have no idea how a person thinks, and what he/she focuses on, and their motives, we just see what a person actually "does", and interpret it according to the way we think.

Can somebody concrete-tise it for me?

And the other thing is, we all have no idea what our future holds right, but ultimately, its our choices, and the choices made by people around us which determine our future (to a certain extent), which is kinda creepy. But this is just nonsense.

I'm not saying this is everybody, it's just what I've observed, feel free to disagree.

Okay I'm done with my "abstract fit"ness. :)

And, on a lighter note,

Do you, do you really?

you.

2010-06-23T19:52:00.002+08:00

to a special friend:

y'know, memories will always end, and at the end of the day, the trick is to keep creating new memories.

so today i almost went for tennis without my tennis racket. hmm.

and swac, is so funny.

new.

2010-06-21T16:16:00.003+08:00

In all honesty, part of me really cannot wait until I go overseas to study. This idea of being in a completely new environment with a completely new culture is pretty scary, but rather refreshing. Singapore is just so, restraining, and looking at everyone who's gone overseas, it's just, calling me or something. I mean, part of me will always stay here, be here, remain here, but I would really really like to explore more.

(that's just me).

unaccomplished.

2010-06-21T10:54:00.002+08:00

sometimes we try to hard to figure out what shouldn't be figured out.

There actually are a large number of things I need to get down to doing so I don't get screwed over once school begins - i.e. my testimonial (thanks Jiahui), and my guides homework. Oh, and the other homework too.

I just can't be bothered.

I plan on staying in bed until 12, and doing everything else that I shouldn't be doing. I can't even remember the two badges I planned on doing. Oh, now I do.

(I wrote a letter to you yesterday, but you'll never read it).

home!

2010-06-20T16:44:00.001+08:00

my heart feels much lighter and i feel much happier hehehehe.

goodbye

2010-06-16T23:04:00.002+08:00

off to bali for 4 days! i'm gna get a good break, and probably think a lot, but there's no toybox to discuss it with. :(

anyway, dear cym, enjoy umad!

(kelly, bali's in indonesia!)

see you all on the 20th!

I think that was a clear enough sign

2010-06-16T16:29:00.004+08:00

I'm suddenly in a mood to burn bridges.

(There's no place where you can be fully safe, well protected in school, but elsewhere, is another story).

At times like this, I really really wish I could mind read.

2010-06-15T23:30:00.000+08:00

what the hell am i doing still missing you?

(why do i still like you?).

i'm still a kid.

2010-06-15T13:22:00.002+08:00

bloody hell.

(no one's fault).

abstract

2010-06-14T22:36:00.002+08:00

some things were never meant for comprehension.

i had a really good time today, my voice is hoarse and we kinda phail at guitar hero. but i'm glad everyone made it in the end, sleepover after o's!

i hope i never, ever, lose all of you.

0102

2010-06-13T08:31:00.003+08:00

"now that i have seen, i am responsible; faith without deeds is dead".

i am so tired. yesterday was massive fun, and i wouldn't trade it for anything. prawn flinging, prawn peeling, massive camwhoring, adel's dress, impromptu repeats and too quick and of course - congrats mell & fuwei! :), thanks forgiving me the opportunity of a lifetime heeheee.

my feet hurt like shit though, can't wait for tomorrow. I think I'm going to finish Personal Taste today, I'm losing to Kelly. But that's not fair, because I had to go for a wedding, she didn't. :D So technically, I win!

I think life's quite interesting, and I learn new things everyday.

"I love the whole world BOOM DE YAH DAH".

exhale

2010-06-11T17:16:00.000+08:00

God has been so good.

SPA was, not too bad. I can't be certain of my 4 marks, but I know I'll get at least a 3, which is sufficient. :) I spent yesterday night hanging out with the churchies. After 9pm we all kinda died, until they started practicing their ending song, and Sam & I danced, a lot.

Oh yeah, I'm a gleek. Seriously.

The Glee finale was, a perfect glee finale. :-) And I saw Jonathan Groff do a full out solo. He was, *jaw drop* amazing. Still, forever Rachel & Finn.

School's finally out. Playing twice tomorrow, then that'll be over. It's exciting, yet extremely nerve wrecking. But oh well, it's their wedding. I'm going to make it a good one. :) + After that, it's two school-less weeks! Despite all the mugging I'm going to have to do, and all the sacrifices I'm going to have to make. But nevermind, push this once, and I'll make it through.

14th June - can't wait.

(PS: Cheryl, your charger works!)

23/44

2010-06-09T15:52:00.002+08:00

this life full of dreams and ambitions

on dreams fulfilled and dreams that can never be

on what we want, and what we can get.

when the bubble of "if you try hard enough, it'll be yours" is popped.

what's left to believe in?

that being said, it's true life gives us happy surprises sometimes.

church rehearsal tonight, i'm so nervous, the real thing's on saturday, like. o.m.g.

physics spa tomorrow, the last of the three, and that wraps up gce o level spas! :)

can't wait for next monday, and this friday. :)

on a completely different note:

how does apple do it?

how do they make their iphone look so damn amazing, not just look, but it's content as well.

i have been going utterly insane from the release of the new iphone, how, frickin, amazing.

(apparently Sam Mendes directed their facetime commercial)

iPhone 4! :)

2010-06-08T22:27:00.003+08:00

i just read that paragraph you wrote about me, vague, but after reading that, i remembered everything so clearly. that was me (and you) five years ago. its interesting to see how much has changed. not just with me, with us, but with everyone else i've been friends with for such a long time.

not bad, not good.

iPhone 4 looks gorgeous, amazing.

iPhone 4 will be mine. :)

i am so tired i don't see the point in attended extended curriculum anymore, really. can't be bothered to do the work or prep for their mocks. i appreciate the thought, but fyi, we've been working since the start of janurary, most of us didn't even get a day out of the one week break during march. the only thing i can bother to put some effort into are those spas. i understand you're kiasu, you need to continue to be top. put pushing us to this extent, may just backfire.

just like the law of gravity, i'm sure there must be some law about overworking.

but, we had the most epic conversation during geography, thanks to the "low birth rate" topic that was started. i don't know how we do it, it's amazing. but it made everything better.

you're back for a week! welcome back :)

2010-06-08T00:15:00.001+08:00

what do you do when all these memories come flooding back, almost too much.

tmth.

2010-06-07T21:43:00.001+08:00

one more week.

2010-06-06T19:42:00.002+08:00

i don't know if i can trust you anymore, really, maybe she was right about you.

anyway, today during violin/piano practice we were discussing whether we keep our peanut butter in the fridge or not! and the pros/cons of doing so. HAHAHAHAHA, and ven plays really well, though she ultimately threw the entire score away (y).

plus, can't wait for the fourteenth, but gen, why oh why are you going to the states hmm! :( buy something nice back for me HAHAHAH okay kidding :) but anyway, you group of friends have been more than enough, i'm so thankful for you all, really. :)

yeah, i haven't felt this much love for my churchies in a long long long time.

i keep sliding away, but something keeps pulling me back.

@#$% last week of school THEN A TWO WEEK BREAK.

Cheers! (Press on all!)

today's been a good day. :)

2010-06-05T18:33:00.003+08:00

watching your wedding today GMH.

a lot of people always ask me why i'm so hung up about love and all that. it's not cause i watch like a million dramas (okay fine maybe a littttle, hehehe), but in all honesty, it's because i know it exists. i've seen it before and i've seen it again. i saw it yesterday, the day before and the days before, i saw it today, definitely, and i'll see it tomorrow, and the next days. but really, seeing your wedding today was so precious, because the love was so real, non extravagant, but real. i'm so happy for the both of you :)

love, like beauty, doesn't only exist in it's obvious forms though, love's all around, really, and apart from seeing it, i feel it everyday. so that makes me feel really blessed. :)

anyway, must make sure i'm not late for next week's one. so hectic but i think i'll really have fun, really. i've always wanted to be a wedding violinist, since i was like 13. and yes! i got my dress for $30 and shoes for $15 so i'm really happy too love the GSS

and toybox on the 14th of June too (!!!)

so yes, it's been a good day and i haven't got any work done and i'll probably die tomorrow but who cares! :D

stay chill.

2010-06-04T18:02:00.002+08:00

i'm so glad it's friday, really.

"people live like they're dying, and die like they've never lived before".

don't.

school has been draining, but mildly enjoyable. trying to do anything else except school-related work has paid off (y).

time is of the essence.

i think i'll go to boston

2010-06-03T17:14:00.002+08:00

hi. i have switched on my wifi switch, and i am now back on the internet. (how stupid was that, seriously!)

breakfast with c,j,k,t,c,j,g today was a really good start to the day, we should do this more often, especially after the damn o levels are over. anyway, ss test was like whuttt, and english was like whutt, in the end he became partially suicidal and all that but he found hope so the teachers won't kill me.

this week has been nothing but tests, and half of them i really couldn't be bothered to study/prep for, so i guess that's what has been bringing me through. i would really like my black pen back. and suddenly i'm facing this huge shortage of $$ it's not funny, especially since it's the holidays. but i doubt i'd be getting to do anything these holidays, really.

my self discipline is still so bad, and i want to watch my show >:(

can i drop out of school, really? but if i drop out of school, i'd have no path to walk. Singapore, oh Singapore, why must you make education such a trying process.

Sometimes I wonder if I can ever be happy with minimal money, and that in itself is already disturbing. :/

jaded jaded

2010-05-31T18:41:00.002+08:00

jaded.

i literally have no more emotions to feel, i have lost my soul in the process of today. amath + geog work due tomorrow and i want to just ughhhh.

went out with half of the chinese class after O's, watched shrek and helped joellyn find her phone :) that was good i guess. but i'm so physically and emotionally drained. i felt like i gave it all today but i have no idea how i'm gna do and all but I HAVE GREAT FAITH.

but i have no willpower and i'm completely burnt out and i want to drop out of school and do something more useful in the world and not study one more round of chinese and see my english like shit and just drop dead and DIEEEEEE.

calendar girl, who's in love with the world, stay alive.

the last day

2010-05-30T20:49:00.003+08:00

to: alex, marcus, tim, kian nam, marvin, linus, sherms, lindsay

joellyn, miranda, charlene, charmaine chong, charmaine lim, renee, vera, ying mei, nat yap, meiyin, christine, kelly, qiying, jiaying,

all the best for O's tomorrow - we can do it! A1 all the way. :)

remember to sleep and rest well tonight!

WE PEAK TOMORROW.

And thanks everyone for your kind smses/facebook/msn wishes. They mean a lot, really. I'll do my best tomorrow. :)

Oh, really?

2010-05-29T08:22:00.003+08:00

So apparently, Singapore is Asia's best place to live, and the world's 28th. American cities start at 31.

Hmm.

(Bye computer! I'll see you after the 31st!)

14/15

2010-05-28T22:03:00.002+08:00

NOVEMBER TWELVTH.

(2 favourites from Australia!)

belief

2010-05-27T22:35:00.002+08:00

'cause all of the stars, are fading away

just try not to worry, you'll see them someday

take what you need, and be on your way

and stop crying your heart out

good music makes me fall in love with the world, really. i can't wait to explore it.

rub your eyes

2010-05-27T18:12:00.003+08:00

fear, it engulfs you, eats you up, tears you apart;

what else is left, where can i go did i do that right, should i have done this better, why do you hate me, why aren't you looking at me, why is she more important, why can't i have you, why can't i be special, why couldn't i be like that, i wish i had that too, wish i wasn't here, why is life like this.

uncertain thoughts surround and suddenly you're lost in a ball, is it cloudy? maybe it's steam, fog. lost, with no direction, no purpose, no where to turn, nobody to lean on.

it's the end of term two, officially.

school's been good, because company has been awesome. i'm sure we've all, in our own ways, been through a lot. but at the end of the day, we've all overcome, so far, and hopefully, we're all stronger now.

mhm, but you know, sec fours know no rest - and it's pretty scary to see everybody really gearing up and getting ready to fight, even the some of the most unexpected. you don't really know what motivates you, but the sheer thought of "shit, o levels" pushes you hard enough.

chinese in four! i'm excited! (kinda, haha).

november twelvth, november twelvth, and we'll live like how we're supposed to, really.

but really, all of you make me so happy.

dear you:

2010-05-25T23:13:00.001+08:00

you know, i'm really glad we're having two way "normal people" conversations now, really, after all that's happened. (:

this made me cry

2010-05-24T22:01:00.000+08:00

My dad saw a homeless man digging through the trash.

He offered to buy the man food. Once he had the food he thanked my dad and turned to leave. Dad said to eat with him. He almost cried.

They ate & talked, and he tried to give my dad the only thing he had: a Beatles record.

My dad and that man GMH

you loved a people underserving

2010-05-24T17:22:00.003+08:00

what keeps me going:

sea, snow, camera, violin, guitar, piano love.

friends, family

God.

arrested by your truth and righteousness,

your grace has overwhelmed by brokenness

i know you gave,

the world your only son for us

to know your name

to live within the saviour's love.

i think school (toybox + a few) are so cool because they keep the monotony away, and it's like exploring new things with them everyday and all that our conversations, srsly, our conversations. literature "timed trial" today was damn joke, like seriously "damn joke", i hope they have enough compassion not to mark it because if they do there goes my ca2 ss/lit A1, and i was really banking on that tho my unseen sucks like megashit, or pbq or whatever.

this (+last) week has been so trying though, really, emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually. i'm not cut out for this. i'm not cut out to watch my every step and think about the consequences. but screw you, the way of the world.

but anyway, through the past week or two, i've been seeing God's grace like no other, and i'm so thankful, because it's really keeping me alive.

oi you, cheer up.

what if i end up disappointing you like no other?

2010-05-23T18:37:00.003+08:00

too much on mind, too much on mind.

this june:

- school

- ice cream dates

- htht dates.

fffuuuu

31ST MAY: PLAY LIKE DAMN SHIT PART 1.

let go let go let go let go. (!!!!!!!OAIHOGAEIHSE)

take it easy.

2010-05-23T16:24:00.002+08:00

Today I was in church, practicing for Mel's wedding, which is actually going really smoothly. The whole song's done so I'm really happy with that and I've found my guitarist and we make sense together. :) Praise God. And I'm really thankful that I've got this opportunity, cuz I've always wanted to play the violin in weddings!

But anyway, after everyone left, Stephen started to play Canon in D on the piano so I joined him on the violin, and I think that's the best thing that's happened to me in a really long time. It was so so so beautiful, and like, although it wasn't perfect, it sounded so (y), and I was so glad it was like, me playing it and not me listening to someone else play it. I'm gonna join an orchestra! And maybe next year I'll have the opportunity to play it in a string trio!

K - check list:

1. buy dress for wedding ceremony !!!

2. find another dress but like ahoshtos. - what should i wear for a wedding dinner, does anyone have dresses to lend me i don't rly wanna buy another one!

Mhm. This weekend's been (y)(y) mostly - but there's a lot of work i'm rushing now. @#$% @#$% x 1242323523.

2010-05-23T00:09:00.002+08:00

dear you,

in whatever, remember God has control, God's in control.

i'll be here too, cheer up, yes?

love,

hannah.

I see you in a different light

2010-05-22T14:13:00.001+08:00

owl city and brooke fraser calm me down a whole lot.

things that make me really happy:

1. mass convos with toybox

2. staying up to twelve to wish someone happy birthday :)

3. making pretty letters, inside and out, and knowing they'll be happy receiving it.

4. hthts !!!

5. epic convos in school :)

things i haven't been doing that would make me even happier:

1. shooting (like @#$%)

2. shopping

3. hanging out w/ people.

4. travelling

5. shopping, in another sense.

day 2 of intensive chinese mugging camp like yeahhh.

God is in control.

mhm, so this week has been tiring, but it was summed up really nicely. mass convo yesterday from 12 - 2, happy birthday cheryl (my twin!), enjoy this year, yes? went off at 2 yesterday, didn't sleep till around 3 - wasn't tired and just sat there and thought, thought about endless things, my head was too clouded. drifted off after that. woke up at 830 actually, wasn't tired - surprisingly.

5 more months to euphoria!

i can.

2010-05-20T23:45:00.002+08:00

"i'm an emo kid, and i'm singing!"

i'm singing to the God who brings redemption to the nations,

kings and oceans bow to him in praise

and i'm singing to the God who wrote the book on our salvation

to the one who covers me in grace,

i'm singing.

before i drop dead on the ground, remember this.

"10 DAYS INTENSIVE MUGGING CHINESE CAMP"

i'm thisss close to laughing and crying all over again.

2010-05-20T19:24:00.001+08:00

screw you, chinese o's, screw you for making me go mad and screaming "i'm a monster".

(tho it is a good way of releasing emotions)

Maybe you just weren't meant to be mine.

2010-05-19T17:48:00.002+08:00

But there are dreams that cannot be,

And there are storms we cannot weather.

Glee's I dreamed a dream is pretty impressive.

I think I've been thinking a little too much and too involuntarily these few days. It's like thinking begets thinking, so my head's a mess. And jumping around to memorise geography was extremely amusing today.

English, A Math, Chem, Chinese.

Britain's Got Talent has much less talent this year, it's pretty upsetting actually. I mean there are a few ones, but nothing "WOW."

And, I am completely in love with Jonathan Groff, who's gay. :/